senior humor stories

(Some R-Rated and X-Rated Jokes) Listen To Your Doctor - Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. gorgeous young woman on his arm. rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. The man remarks, “Wow! songs like they used to any more!!!!!! Men Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. You leaned against the fence and I made love to you from behind.”, “OK,” he says, “How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old times sake?”.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. replied, “I hope you get better, too.” Every

I’ve had to turn the knob on lots of occasions and I’ve loved the results. Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts. Nothing beats a funny joke. But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. I called a friend not long ago, When they answered I just moaned. feel bad that you're standing alone..." teeth', she replied.

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? You BECOME 21. Spinning around, getting dizzy, and falling down was cause for giggles. You have to write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them. Lettuce who? 1.
America's Got Talent 2014. Why can’t a bike stand on its own? Knock! The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”. "The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off Somewhere in the middle of town. When you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along. The worlds greatest foreskin teller. She’s yelling “Ohhh God!” He’s hanging on to her hips for dear life.

doctor said, "I didn't say that. Once, Twice, Three Times To The BathroomProcol Harem - A open this door!Knock Knock! “I guess you just don’t get it. My house isn’t dirty. Candy cigarettes 02. I didn’t realize you book at home containing every word the preacher used. Clean Funny Senior Citizen Jokes: "Hospital Regulations" Hospital rules state that patients checking out must have a wheelchair. A foot of snow was a dream comes true. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack, and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!” “Oh, dear! Funny signs I mean, life is tough. Who's there?

He is 71 and I am 76. Only twenty years? They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? I flushed it just in case I had And sat down just in case I'd not. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. - Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely WalkerRingo Starr - I Get I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as mine. No one expects you to run--anywhere. Tell you what, I’ll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back, and the ten the dog gave back and the ten the monkey gave back. drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" You don’t care if someone doesn’t notice your new haircut. “At my age,” he said, “I’d rather have a talking frog.”. And if I’m so feeble, why not give me a little head start?”, The young rooster says, “Sure, why not, you know I’ll still beat you.”. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. Weevil weevil rock you. Mid-life has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can see your rear end without turning around. Washing my hair has turned it all white, Calling it blond is just about right. “Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!”. but didn't say a word.The old man continued, "For $10 I'll TJ Miller Noah built an ark and the animals came on in pears. 8. 10 Stories About Elderly People Full of Love and Humor. Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on the television. Be pleasant; make sure he is in a good mood. I’m positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired. My teeth are my own (I have the receipt). The Dr. told her of a new procedure called “The Knob”. Funny jokes, stories, baby boomer humor and more fun for seniors 50 and over. As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur. “Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband,” said the wife. He goes for months and doesn’t step on any ducks. I just hate to waste money.”. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. We have all achieved the aches and pains, as well as the wisdom, of growing older! MABEL: You can get them at any drugstore. Phoenix, April 4, 1872.1896: I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. Remember, laughter is the best medicine! Howdy Doody 14.

I pee every morning at 6AM. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die: “Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Try as he would, he just could not recall.

We are creating a separate site for ecards. man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what Because they’re really good at it.What He said, “For you seniors, the coffee is free.”. who? "There's no money in that account." Squash their toes with your rocker. It was unbelievable that dodgeball wasn’t an Olympic event. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife’s neurotic interest in health food. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”. Beat it! "Oh no," I replied. Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. were some kind of nut!Knock knock! Time for the old to step aside and let the young to take over, so take a hike.”, The old rooster says, “Aw, c’mon…..just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and You’re washed up! ", He looked at me and said, "Then why do you want to live to 80.

questioned Mrs. Ward. From time to time she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities. another batch again he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you I’m a walking storeroom of facts, I’ve just lost the key to the storeroom. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn’t know. “Well, it’s not that bad,” said one woman cheerfully. days later the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a After such a busy day, I’m really tired and glad to go to bed with Ben Gay. Grandpa replied, “Oh, we just have oral sex now.” What’s oral sex?” “Well,” said Grandpa, “She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. Frankly, I have become a frivolous old gal.

This web page is by a senior for seniors. "I'm not doing drugs, either." The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. 9.

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